Monday, June 1, 2009

Does It Ever End

In the past seventeen months, since I have realized the truth about what had gone on, was going on, and is going on in my former church, my life has changed enormously. Once all the control, lies, deception, sin, greed, corruption, and crime began to surface and continued to surface, a very rude awakening began for me. Not only did I realize a pastor and his family that I had served faithfully and sacrificially, were nothing of who they portrayed themselves to be, I discovered that they would stop at nothing to perpetuate their family ministry no matter what level of degradation and sin they had fallen to and been involved in. Along with this stark realization came the earth shattering revelation of the vast number of loved ones in my life that had been used, abused, violated and scarred for life as a result of this ministry.

Since this realization of the atrocities that have gone on over the years has come to light, there is not one day that goes by that I do not think about all the loved ones that have been affected and the horror that they live with on a daily basis. I keep thinking that one day I will wake up and this will not fill my thoughts. I will admit that it has gotten better, however, that day has not arrived. Even now that the ones who committed the crimes have been arrested and it looks like justice will be served, for the victims, it will never end.

Since making the choice to stand up on the side of righteousness and refused to be controlled and ultimately leaving my former church, God has shown Himself stronger to me than He ever has in my entire walk with Him. He has brought me through day after day and blessed me so abundantly above and beyond anything I could have ever hoped or imagined in so many ways. Even in the midst of all the twisted and deranged things I have been told and all the questions I still have I have about how people like this can be allowed to commit such atrocities and continue to do so even after being exposed, I have made a conscious decision to move on with my life and focus on the wonderful blessings that God has put in my life and trust Him to somehow help me to one day live free of the constant thoughts of the nightmare I have seen my loved ones live through.

On that note, I want to say that there are wonderful churches out there that are truly consumed with a desire to actually minister the love of God in action to a lost and hurting world. There are churches where the pastor is interested in all people, not just the tithers. There are churches whose members don't sever lifelong friendships because someone left the church. There are churches that address and handle correctly rampant sin in the church and church leadership instead of trying to cover it up, excuse it and lie about it.

I am currently attending a church that the main goal is to love people and minister the love of God to them regardless of where they go to church or if they tithe or not. The desire of this church is to minister to the community as a whole, and to love people with the true love of God. I thank Him for this opportunity to do something for the kingdom of God after so many wasted years in a church that did more harm to people than anything else.

No, I don't know that it will ever end but I do know that there is hope, purpose, joy and happiness after the nightmare of a controlling, manipulative and abusive church. Thanks to the love, grace and mercy of an ever loving and faithful God!


Anonymous said...

I know exactly how you feel. I rarely go a day without thinking about the wrong that was done to so many innocent people. I continue to hear the lies being told and just don't understand how some can continue to support it. I hope it will stop one day soon.

I really like you blog!

GW said...

It's only right that these events should loom so large in our thinking. We went to our former church because we were all spiritually hungry. For our sincere hunger and zeal to be used by someone as a means to turn a buck and exploit people is just plain evil. Our pastor said that he spoke for God and yet he acted like the devil. So really, it would be weird if we just suddenly got over it because of the gravity of it all. I wonder at what point a man truly becomes a "false prophet."

john john said...

Im am glad that you are out of that cultic situation and being deprogrammed.

Anonymous said...

That church just needs to go away. It's only hurting people.

Anonymous said...

Isn't it good that though man may forsake us, God won't and He provided other wonderful places for us to worship and serve?
All in all, I wish I'd found my church (of 16 months) sooner!